Just Be Yourself...You Can Do It!!

So, Raj, on "The Big Bang Theory" has this really cute girl that he's into. She's adorable, but very afraid of spontaneous social situations (I can relate). She has a habit of "escaping" out windows while on dates. She's done this twice, that I remember. Anyway, Raj had wanted her to meet his friend's... all of them together. When she became overwhelmed, Raj suggests that she meet them one at a time. Now I won't say anymore, in case you have not seen it.

Anyway, anyone who watches BBT on a regular basis, knows that Raj won't (can't) even speak to girls unless he's had a little, or a lot of alcohol to loosen him up. Now, EVERYBODY, girls and guys, gets nervous when talking to someone who they don't know, and who is attractive. But it's my personal opinion that each character on BBT has autistic traits or characteristics. I've since heard this opinion expressed by others; but ironically, interviews with Jim Parsons who plays Sheldon reveal that supposedly, the writers of this show had no intention of making these characters autistic... (Ha ha... yeah right!) :). So, Raj, with all his cuteness and sensitivity and social awkwardness, uses alcohol to loosen him up in situations involving attractive women.

This gave me a scary thought last night. What if, this is how many people become alcoholics...but it's just never talked about? I've actually been thinking about that all night. Now, I only began learning about Autism in the last year and a half. Researching it became an obsession of mine...because I suspect that I HAVE it! Every once in a while, I will drink alcohol...but I have to be VERY careful with it. I have NEVER been drunk or hug over, and I never intend to be. But even a small amount of alcohol does affect me. I become warm very quickly and, my muscles become super relaxed. My ability to balance (which is already impaired because of CP) becomes affected. And very soon after, I fall asleep! This is why, I RARELY drink, and when I do, it's very little. But, in all honesty, it would probably do me better to just give it up entirely. Now, those with autism have sensory issues. alcohol (as I just described) affects a persons senses. Considering that most people with Autism do things in excess... See where I'm going with this?

I grew up in an alcoholic home. My dad is a recovering alcoholic and my step dad was an alcoholic. In both situations, the excessive alcohol would cause changes in mood and temperament. Most of these were not good. I personally don't NEED any alcohol to cause changes in my mood and temperament. It's just a fact. I'm a sweet girl... anyone who knows me will tell you. Wonderful, passionate, person. I secretly wish that I could just be nice and pleasant all the time... still working to obtain this, but I know that this will never happen... haha! :). My high level of sensitivity can cause me to be very insensitive as well. I get overwhelmed easily, and scared that secretly, everybody around me will "discover" that I am not "with it," or I have no idea what I'm talking about. Gee, isn't that more of a guy thing? (I've read). But I've also read that studies have been done that "conclude" that women with AS tend to have more "male" brains. Great. So, is this the REAL reason guys can't seem to "pursue" me? I've always wondered.

Anyway, do I blame Raj for needing a little alcohol before he can approach women? No... of course not. Amen to our guys! Autistic or not, they have a difficult job. Besides, Raj is just a TV character. But what happens to a person when they "need" this too many times? What happens when they start "needing" it more and more because the amount that they began with isn't enough? (Your system builds up tolerance to it..absolutely!). So, for someone who is autistic, how is all this magnified or made worse? Well, I know people generally drink it because it relaxes them. But I've seen enough evidence to know, that it just makes some people really stupid...seriously. My own dad, is one of the sweetest, most sensitive people I know. But for years, I did not KNOW that, because his extremely sensitive, passionate self was covered by a "wall" of alcohol. Alcohol, and all the mood changes it brought. (Either that, or he would get wasted and pass out.)

Now, I'm not saying this to make my dad look bad. My father has said to me many times that he has not been the best dad to me, and he's apologized for that. He's sober now, and our relationship is actually better than it was when I was a kid. Dad's honesty alone, has made him my hero...but I have a feeling he would not believe me if I told him that. :). My step-dad...he could be another blog entry altogether! But, long story (kinda) short... I am now wondering if both my dad and my step-dad are/were autistic. I seriously wonder whether we never knew it because our families never knew anything about Autism, and we learned to blame all the dysfunction on the alcohol abuse (???). In program we are taught that the drinking is only a symptom of a deeper turmoil going on inside. So many mistakenly believe that when an alcoholic quits drinking, the problems will stop. Nope. Now you've gotta deal with what started the drinking to begin with.

As you might imagine, I've spent a lot of time trying to "figure out" how these things happen in the first place. One of my biggest fears is marrying a man who really is the greatest man alive, but feels that he can't function without alcohol. I have no statistic on how much MORE vulnerable an Autistic person might be to abusing alcohol, (because lets say Raj is Autistic) but I encourage everyone to make it their goal to just be themselves. Besides, alcohol is expensive...and very bitter! I wrote in another blog entry that I know alcohol is an acquired taste, but I don't get how anyone can acquire a taste for that! Keep your breath sweet...seriously. You have a much better chance of getting kisses and hugs. If your moral code tells you not to touch alcohol, then don't. My feeling is, you'll be much better off. It's better to stay in control, and know that you're wonderful and fascinating all by yourself. :)