Oct. 96 :)


When I'm worried and I can't sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep
And I fall asleep
Counting my blessings

When my bank roll is gettin' small
I think of when I had none at all
And i fall asleep
Counting my blessings

I think about a nursery
And I picture curly heads
And one by one I count them
As they slumber in their beds

If you're worried, and you can't sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep, counting your blessings

"White Christmas" (1954)

Okay, now, if you've seen the movie, you've seen Rosemarie Clooney and Bing Crosby sing this to each other. (You know.. the warm fire-- that whole bit). But what an awesome reminder for all year-round. Whenever I'm a little down (or a lot) for that matter, I try and remember this song (and Phi. 4:4-8). That seems to help a lot! :)

Christian Mingle

Oh, okay, get this....I've now broken my own rule. About two weeks ago, I joined ChristianMingle.com. They are much more reasonable in price than Eharmony and their name is really self-explanatory. It was a learning experience writing my profile, as it also has been exploring the responses and the message boards. As I've gone through the process, I've learned gradually what it is that's really important to me, and how to get it down in writing so that I am as specific, and as positive about myself as possible.
The message boards are a great way to express opinions and start conversation, and the responses give me a better idea of what guys are wanting and what's important to them.

So, what do I like?:

Clever descriptions with details.
(Looking at many profiles can be tedious; and I need something to draw me in & keep me interested. This is hard for guys, but so it must be. :)
The maximum amount of pictures.
(I've never seen you before, so let me get as many glimpses as possible :)
Completed questions and answers.
Clear pictures of FACES
A commitment to church every week.
I can't count how many wonderful profiles I've looked at that I've ditched because the person only attends church once or twice a month.
A good sense of humour that comes out in the writing.
(this keeps me interested :)
Someone who doesn't mind rain or overcast weather.
This is a personal preference of mine. It's a hard one because most guys love the outdoors and sunny weather seems to go hand in hand with that. I also find that guys seem to be afraid to put down that they "prefer" rain. It's almost as if they are afraid women will see this as a negative, or that they'll be turned off by it.
Someone who'd rather not have children.
This is also a difficult one, because it seems to put a "dent" in the dream: Christian family man...Christian mother, wife.
I've waited a long time for my husband, and I've made a decision...I want him to myself; to be able to share a life with him and have a few dogs and a couple of cats, and go on trips a couple times a year.
This I think is unconventional for a "Christian" dating site because most people are thinking Christian family, service... so this will be interesting.

What do I not like?:

Profiles with no pictures (!!!)
It is such a turn off to get that glimmer of hope that someones curious about me, and then not even get to know what they look like! Be bold, put yourself out there!
(A curious footnote is that many Calvary Chapel profiles have no pictures.) I think the feeling is discretion... modesty. It sorta keeps alive the mystery of what God is going to do; but there's a problem: I feel extremely awkward corresponding with someone when I don't even know what they look like. So, these are profiles that I don't pursue.
Introductions that are only one liners. Come on... put more into it than that. Intros that are only one line offend me because it suggests to me that the guy figures I won't like him in the first place. Okay, so then why are you wasting my time at all? Don't make me "dig," just tell me. Give me some info and then let me decide for myself. Don't be "mystical" just be real.
(Again, Calvary Chapel guys seem to be notorious for "one liner" introductions.) I think the idea is modesty; "Let's see where God takes this,"; that sorta thing. But to me, it's a major turn off, because if I were not interested, I wouldn't be looking.
Seeing only one picture under "Photos"... often the same one that shows up in the profile. I've never seen you before; give me as many reasons as you can to look at you again.
Profiles with no Q&A. To me, this is almost like cheating. How does CM even know you're such a match for me, if there is so little info about you? Really.
Photo's with indistinguishable faces.
Many profiles have pictures where a vehicle or boat is three or four times bigger than the person in the pic. The idea behind this could be trying to "show off" a particular "toy" or interest, and get a girl interested. But I wanna see the guy himself. Who am I talking to? I wanna see his features, especially his eyes.
(Many guys have on sunglasses, thinking that it makes them look cool (and in some cases it does) but guys have a better chance of keeping my interest if I can see their peepers :)

I did write my opinions about a girl checking out a guy (and does this break "the rule"? Guys have assured me that, no it does not... the attitude being that guys can't do all the work... that nany guys like to be noticed. Also, that guys want a "challenge," but not "Mission Impossible."
Strangely enough, before I ever "broke my own rule," I thought I was in a place where everything I'd ever wanted, was going to come to me on it's own...and everything was going into place. But the whole situation shattered... and nothing ever came of it. I've waited and waited on the Lord, being very careful to make sure I was not taking the reighns into my own hands (This is something THE LORD is gonna do, right... not me. So, I stayed out of the way, and tried to just live my life and see what would happen. Four years later, I am still single, and wondering what the heck happened. So I know now I need to get out there and take a risk... learn a bit about what's out there... and pray as I go. I wonder often if I am over stepping God's will, or if I'm supposed to search...I'm supposed to do this work...I'm supposed to learn these things about myself. I'm supposed to grow as a person. I'm confident that the Lord will lead me, and that I'll have the answers I'm looking for, and that someday, even the mysteries will be revealed as well.

MY Nana

When I was little, I thought there was only one "Nana" in the world...mine! :) (If you feel that way too, I salute you.) Anyway, I don't even know when I began calling her that--I just did. Nobody told me she was Nana...I just knew.

She was my great-grandmother, Mollie; and she was amazing.

As I had said in a different post, I once passed up a trip to Disneyland to spend the weekend with her. I was about five, and somehow the idea of sitting in front of the tv on Saturday morning watching cartooons with my cornflakes seemed like more fun. (I've since been to "The Happiest place on Earth" many times.) Anyway, I always loved sitting at a TV tray...with my cereal and one of those Home Run pies (yeah, major sugar high :) Nana kept these pies in her pantry on the back potch. I never had to sneak them or anything. This was Nana's house... she was more than happy to give them! I think to her these were more like a pastry or something. She would eat them with her coffee...which she usually shared with me. To this day, my cups of coffee are "Nana" cups of coffee (which simply means, they are loaded with sugar). I would watch "Popeye," and "The Great Space Coaster," and then "American Bandstand."

Summers there were particularly fun because of the pool and the swing set in the back yard. (And never under estimate the fun of a simple garden hose... Look out!) She had an old hula hoop in the garrage, which I could never learn to hula with, so I took to spinning it around the back yard (rolling it on the lawn). There was a big patio with a red picnic table. Nana and I would sit there and eat slices of water mellon. Sometimes she would cut up apples or persimmons (depending on the time of year). The persimmons would be for cookies, and the apples would either go into a coffee cake or be used to make a german dumpling called a varenik.

Vareniks were usually in three flavors: apple, straberry and potato (my favorite of which being potato). Obviously, the different kinds depended on the season. But in summer time, we had the straeberry (with the potato and apple). On TV cooking shows, Vareniks, are always called Perogi's (if I didn't spell that right, it's because we don't call them that.) The outside is make of dough, like a pasta, the inside has the filling... they were put into boiling water, drained and then--basted with melted butter. YUMMY!! :)

Nobody could make dough like Nana could...for anything: Coffee cakes, cookies, pie crusts, eeg noodles, Vareniks, Beerocks, homemade bread, and other things I can't think of now. She had one of the old pasta makers with a crank. She would have huge bowls with the yeast, flour and water, that would be kneaded and kneaded some more. She would put flour on her table in the kitchen and dust her rolling pin (although, she usually just used her hands). She would knead that dough smooth. For Vareniks, the dough would go through the pasta maker, and then be cut into squares (sort of like quilt patches) When we had enough squares, we then made sort of an assembly line.
One person had the bowls of filling and a big spoon, another person had cookie sheets for the finished Vareniks, another person was at the stove with the pot of water, and a big serving dish. The sqares of dough would be filled... then all the corners gathered up and pinched (or sealed) and these were lined up to go into the boiling water. They were drained with a slotted spoon and then put into the serving dish. Man did we eat well (and why not, for all that work?)

The potato vareniks, those were more work still. The potato filling had to be washed, peeled, boiled and mashed. Onions were then cut up and fried and added to the mashed potatoes. This make the filling. Any left over Vareniks were fried, which made them taste even better. Anybody hungry yet? For egg noodles, the dough obviously went through the pasta maker, but many more times to make it thinner. Then the long strips of thin dough were hung on wooden racks to dry out. Egg noodles had to be crunchy, see? But whatever Nana made...it was amazing. You could always count on her house smelling good (unless she was making watermelon honey). What is that, you ask? That's another entry. :)
She could crochet everything...pot holders, afghans, scarves. She embroidered dish towels (oh goodness...so many of them!) And somehow she still had time to entertain me :) Wow! She was awesome.

No More Pure Imagination?

In 1971, when the movie "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory" was released, the title character sang the following words:

"There is no life I know to compare with pure imagination. Living there, you'll be free if you truly wish to be."

It sometimes seems to me that today's children aren't given much of a choice.

I just heard a radio commercial that asked:

"What will happen to Captain Crunch and Tony the Tiger?"

The ad talked about certain focus groups currently being created because of the belief that only certain "healthy" foods should be marketed to kids between the ages of approx. 5 and 18. The announcer went on to say that the groups created were being designed to research different cereals, desserts, and prepared meals (among other items).

Our government seems so involved in the lives of our children, and here they are again trying to be sure that our kids are protected...

Let's see, there's a zero tolerance policy on drugs, so if a teen-aged girl has Midol in her backpack, she is sent to the office. Teacher's are not allowed to suggest to parents that a child's behavioral problems could possibly be due to ADD, because they are not doctors and are not allowed to "diagnose" anything. Parents are no longer allowed to send homemade baked goodies to a child's school party because the foods are not pre-packaged, and this could be potentially harmful to both a child and the school. Students are now encouraged to call Easter eggs Earth Spheres as a way of showing respect for those students and parents who do not celebrate Easter. On the same note, Christmas parties are now "Winter" or "Winter Break" parties or celebrations, as a way of being respectful to those who do not celebrate Christmas. Now two childhood icons, Captain Crunch and Tony the Tiger, could possibly be no longer politically correct because they are promoting unhealthy eating.

Look, preventing childhood obesity and promoting healthy eating is one thing. (and it's wonderful)...but what is really going on here?

Who doesn't remember watching Saturday morning cartoons and hearing: "They're Grrrrrrreat!!" It was fun right? So were school parties when room mothers sent cupcakes.. but gone are those days as well. After all the things done to protect our kids from harm, what is left that they can truly enjoy?
How about encouraging compromise? Oatmeal, or scrambled eggs during the week, with the anticipation of Captain Crunch or Frosted Flakes on Saturdays and Sundays? This same strategy can be used for things like soda, and sweets, giving children something fun to look forward to, rather than doing away with cartoon icons that have been around for more than 30 years. Childhood is very short, but with us the rest of our lives. Setting patterns of healthy living is awesome, but let's also set a pattern of allowing our kids to be kids.

Foreign To Whom?

I needed to take a foreign language to graduate college.

I'd had two years of Spanish back in high school (and frankly, did not want to take any more). French... that was out. Not only had I taken it before, but, who uses it around here? The only time I've ever met people who spoke it was in Europe. What to do?

The only thing that interested me was sign language. My first taste of it had been Linda on Sesame Street. And in 1986, when Marlee Matlin won her Oscar for "Children of a Lesser God," I was amazed (at the age of nine)... how can someone make a movie when they can't hear? (Shows what I know). So, I was intrigued by sign language, not because of what I knew about it, but because of what I didn't know. I thought it would fun to learn this language, unique to any other, in that it is the only language (to my knowledge) that is seen and not heard.

Was I in for a surprise!

Our instructor's name was Lori Lane. She was deaf (as opposed to a hearing person who knows how to sign) and she did not read lips and could not (or did not) use her voice.

I quickly found I was in trouble.

She stood at the head of the room and wrote a few things on the board, explaining that we would soon know when she "finger spelled" our names. There was an interpreter for the first day. Unfortunately, there had to be, for all these "auditory " people who relied on nothing but their ears.
Lori signed VERY quickly. Why not?... hearing people speak very quickly. The only thing I understood was the alphabet... one by one. I'd learned this on Sesame Street (no kidding). But that was IT. In short, I could not keep up with her. I mean, I REALLY couldn't keep up with Lori.
I knew sign language was visual, but had not computed that anything visual is a real challenge for me. This wasn't just because I'd never done this before, and was "ignorant" to the way deaf people communicate. I have a disability which makes anything visual a slow, usually frustrating endeavor.

I have Cerebral Palsy, and have worn glasses since I was in a high chair. I had no idea that sign language had anything to do with fine motor skills (duh!) but it does. It's visual precision, it's physical movement, it's agility, it';s perceptual motor skills (a term I'd come to hate, because mine constantly needed work).
Imagine a tennis ball coming at you out of nowhere, and you've gotta hit it with your racket... Think FAST!! Now, if you're good at this sorta thing, no problem, right? But, I'm the kind of person who needed "adaptive" PE because I couldn't think that fast (not physically anyway). This is what learning sign language felt like to me.

Now, anything auditory... that was different. I used my ears for EVERYTHING (accept balance). A great irony, I think. Whatever it is that helps us balance is inside our ears. Well, when you have CP, the part of your brain that enables you TO balance is damaged...usually at birth. According to my mother, I could speak even before I was two, and I didn't have a first word, I just started saying sentences. But I did not learn to walk unassisted until I was almost three (whereas most kids start at about ten months & are on their own at about eighteen months).

Anyway, It took that long for my brain and body to make the connection, you could say. I never knew that when I tried to learn sign language, I would have the same problem Looking back, it makes perfect sense, but when I was in the class, I sort of went into shock

"What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I do this?"

I remember, Lori tried to be as accommodating as possible. She would let me take my tests in private and let me stop or go back over things if I needed it. This helped... but I felt like Sarah Norman making fun of James Leeds:

"IF... I... DO NOT... SIGN... faster; the hour will be over before I finish my opening speech."

Exactly!! This was me!! I finally learned when she was spelling my name at role call (oohhh, lets give her a hand, folks). She would always slow down when she came to me. I would use a mirror, when I practiced my signing, but the thing is, if you're doing it incorrectly to begin with, it's still wrong. It sounds crazy, (only to me) but how I wish I'd known someone else who was deaf, or better yet, someone who was hearing, but could sign. My entire family relied on our ears... what did we know?

I ended up with a D in the class, and the only signs I really remember are the ones for "deaf," "yes," and "I'm sorry." (And the letters of the alphabet). But I learned. I learned first of all, that being deaf is not a "disability," it is a difference in communication that most hearing people are afraid of, I think. (It's just sign language, people, come on :)

Secondly, because we're afraid, we do all the wrong things. Why is it that the first thing hear ring people do around deaf people is raise their voice (??) Why do we talk to deaf people from behind and expect them to know what we're saying? Why do hearing people flip out around deaf people because they think they can't say anything that has to do with hearing, or listening, or music? Deaf people can't hear, but that doesn't mean that they are on another planet. Why do we assume that deaf people are also "mute"?.
Those who are deaf still have voices... and they USE them. Why do we assume that deaf people think hearing people are stupid when they need to use paper and pen? My teacher Lori didn't speak, and I didn't sign well enough to communicate with her. We had to find some middle ground. So we wrote things. I think those who are deaf are much more comfortable when they can sign with someone, but let's face it; most hearing people know little or no sign language.

Thirdly, if you're able both to hear and use sign language, your skills are invaluable... seriously! How you would've helped me when I was trying to learn to sign. My teacher didn't speak my language, and I was trying to learn to speak hers. As I said, writing was the middle ground, but how tedious... ya know? How awesome it would've been to have someone SAY to me, "Yes, that's right," or "No, it isn't." I was limited in my communication, so it was hard for me to understand. So "Thumbs up" to those of you who can do both because you bridge the gap. :)

An interesting post script to this, is that it helped me later with acting (!!!) When I took beginning acting, my teacher, Linda Quinn, taught mime! Mime, is very animated and non-verbal, just like sign language. What better way to help someone know that "saying lines" is actually very little of acting? It's looks, it's gestures, it's body language, it's a glance, a reaction, a step, a movement. Another real challenge for me, because it's so physical... yikes! But I did it, and I did just fine. I was able to rely a lot on the communication I'd learned while taking ASL in order to "exaggerate" my movements and non-verbal "language." I then became very interested in silent movies (and the actors that were in them).
I saw "Phantom of the Opera" (1925) with Lon Chaney Sr. and was petrified when I saw his mask come off! No words...just my own gasp. Silence made the moment much more powerful, I think. If there had been lines, I would've been distracted by them. So, I did some reading on Lon Chaney Sr. and I then discovered that both of his parents were deaf! Chaney himself was hearing, and now, it made perfect sense that he was an actor! He'd learned to communicate "visually" because this was the language his parents spoke.
My ability to hear had blinded me (figure that out). All of my pre-conceived ideas about hearing people had led me to believe that there just certain things one couldn't do if they were deaf. Well, with a little help, we can all do a lot of things; and as I write this, I realize that I'd found an answer to my curiosity pondered at age nine: "How can someone make a movie when they can't hear?" Now, I only have one thing to say... "Duh!"

Anyway, overcoming obstacles is universal. As a young child, I could not dribble a ball or catch it, but i just finished playing basketball with my nephew! How did I do that? Practice...Duh! Now, if only I'd take the same approach to sign language!

Nana

I once gave up Disneyland to stay with my Nana.

Yes, Disneyland, home of Mickey, and the "Happiest Place on Earth"

Why would I do that??

I think it was because, to me, Nana's was the happest place on earth.

At least, it's remembered as being one of them to this day.

I'd like to go on and on with a list of all thes things that were so amazing about her, and I'm thinking
"Man, where do I start?"

Her house was always warm and safe, and happy. I was relaxed, calm, peaceful. I gave up Disneyland for "Popeye" and a bowl of ceareal in front of the tw. I can still remember her set of alumminum tv trays, with a different nature scene on each one. That and a cup of Nana's coffee.

More on that later! :)

Weight

I must start this out by acknowledging that I am NOT a Doctor. What I write here is based on personal opinion and experience...I have no medical expertise. Thanks :)

Not everybody is made to be a size 3, a size 6, or even a size 8. Furthermore, no one can ever look like Barbie, there have been actual studies done on it. So, once i was able to decide what I didn't NEED to look like, I took the preassure off myself. There are three things i don't do in order to be happy with the body I have...

1. I don't diet
2. I don't have a scale in the house
3. I don't look at fashion magazines

There are also three things I DO in order to be happy with the body I have:

1. Enjoy what you eat
2. Eat freequently throughout the day
3. Take lots of deep breaths

Now, there are several other things I do as well, that help; those are just the main three.
Anyway, starting with what i don't do...

When you "Diet," your mind is trying to remember everything you DON'T want to eat so that you avoid it... but the more you're trying to remember that you don't want to eat certain things, the more you're tempted...because you're thinking about it all the time.

It's the perfect "recipe" for failure, I think. You resolve not to eat something, and just when you're about to chew the uppolstry off furniture, you replace that with the food you didn't want to eat (at least that leaves a good taste in your mouth). :)
There's a second reason I don't diet, and that's because I've read in several books, that when we don't eat frequently, our brain tells our body to store up fat because... who knows how long it will be before you eat again... you're starving yourself because you're dieting, right?

It's a survival thing... your body doesn't burn the calories because it might need that energy for later...it stores it up.
I've read that if we eat smaller meals throughout the day, the energy is burned more frequently, rather than stored in the body and turned into fat.

Scales are not found in my house because I will not set myself up for disappointment. I don't weigh myself. This way there's no let down... no disappointment... no depresson. The numbers I look at are Bible verses and ingredients in recipes... because these numbers give me joy, rather than angst. "But how will I know when I've actually lost weight?," you ask.

I knew when people started telling me! To me, the word of mouth was a lot better than the scale! :)
(Maybe the numbers that give you joy are lottery numbers; find something you can "add up" that has nothing to do with the scale).

Pictures in "Women's" magazines are airbrushed and cropped. In other words, they are altered and unreal. Good news! That means it's not necessary to try and shoot for their unrealistic standars-- not even the WOMEN in those pictures look like that!

(Men, keep that in mind, if you would :)
Find some "National Geographic," "Smithsonian," or even some good recipe magazines! Keep these on your coffee table instead. Start a travel journal, or put together some photo albums... these make great conversation pieces, and the pictures are real!

Now for the things that I do...

Enjoy what you eat! I cannot stress this enough! Allow yourself to love food! Don't punish yourself for doing something we not only have to do to live... but we were meant to enjoy...

"Eat, drink and be merry!"

It breaks my heart when people punish themselves for eating: They call themselves "Pig," or "Bad Girl," and say "I really shouldn't"; or they go on about how their diet is wrecked. So sad, because then eating becomes this terrible thing. Some punishment that they hate, but they must inflict, because who can live without eating, right? Even worse, they'll make bargains with themselves: " I'll spend more time @ the gym," "I'll skip dinner tomorrow", and then they'll eat more calories so they don't feel deprived-- but it's been my experience that this isn't good for the body or the mind.

Okay, I've read it in books and seen it on many talk shows: Stress causes Cortisol (stress hormone) to build up, which is connected (aparently) to weight gain. I think if we're always worried about gaining weight, we stress ourselves out, right? And the body stores up fat, because we're "worried" about gaining weight. We create what we fear, right? So enjoy what you eat! :)

Eat Frequently throughout the day. I think usually when people starve themselves, they feel as though they are telling their body to behave. They imagine all the weight they believe they are losing, and it's (in a sense) empowering. But I've heard many people say that they are trying to loose weight, they are skipping meals, and it doesn't seem to be working. (in fact, they gain weight). Eat little bits throughout the day. This is what I do, and I 've never felt deprived, and my weight has remained reasonable. Another advantage is that you're not starving yourself, so... when I eat M&M's for example, I don't "overload"on them because I'm not starving to begin with On that same note, i think a mistake people make is that they try to compensate; meaning that they will load up on unhealthy food NOW meaning to spend extra time a t the gym later.
I feel that eating more frequent meals (smaller meals) keeps us fuller, and so, we can avoid the guilt.

Take deep breaths... yes... you're reading that right. Deep breaths help us relax. Having done a lot of singing, this is something I certainly know to be true. Take breaks dring the day, and intentionally concentrate on your breathing for a few minutes. Inhale as deeply as you can, through your nose, rather than your mouth. You'll get a much deeper breath through your nose; air coming only from the mouth is actually very shallow. Let the air actually fill your diaphram... let it expand, and slowly let it out. Just take five to ten minutes at a time, and do this a couple times (if possible) in the day. This, for me, has been the most amazing stress reliever, cleanser, refresher... and it seems to help the body repair itself, and keeps my stress level down; which helps me maintain my weight.

A few other things that work for me are:

Not going grocery shopping when I'm hungry. This way, I don't want to buy and eat everything in the store... too much temptation!

Laughing... A LOT!! No kidding, I once heard on the news that 100 "Laughs" (ha ha ha) is equal to 10 minutes of rowing. Don't know who made up the stat... bu the good news is, it can't hurt you :)

Eat REAL stuff, rather than artificial whenever you can. According to Dr. Don Colbert, we are the most over fed, undernourished country there is, because we fill our bodies with so many artificial things. Ironically, the food that has the most artificial stuff in it, is usually the "diet" or reduced fat stuff. Real ingredients are stripped out and replaced with that which is supposed be lower in sugar, fat, calories, etc., but our bodies are not able to properly process these things. This is also according to author Kevin Trudeau "Natural Cures" and "More Natural Cures"
(They don't want you to know about).
(Don Colbert's book is called "Toxic Releif").

Here's one that will shock you: I never exercise right after I eat.

I once heard on TV that when we get really physically active right after eating, all of our oxygen and energy goes toward our mucsels that we are working so hard to keep from gaining weight. Apparently, the trouble is that we can't propperly digest the food we just ate, so it sits in our digestive tract, and actually...is stored as fat! I've heard that it's best to rest a little bit 25 to 30 minutes (Don Colbert). Take a little nap, kick back a little, then become active again after that. This way your body can digest your food first.

One last thing that works for me: Have one or two "pleasures"... not "guilty" pleasures... PLEASURES. Mine are chocolate and Pepsi (regualr, never diet). Yep. This way, I/you have something to look forward to, and there's no feeling of desperation... for me, there's no anxiety about eating too much of it because I haven't denied myself in the first place. For me. the mind set works. I know it's "allowed," so there's no need to go overboard with it.

But i think the most important thing is really to set reasonable goals for yourself. I've had to learn to have patience with myself and allow myself to be imperfect (join the human race :) But ladies, celebrate who you are... and be proud :)

Not Necessarily a Girl Thing

I've never known a woman who hasn't struggled with her weight.

Some men do too, yes, but being that I'm of the female pursausion, I'm siding with my sisters today. How many times have you been asked "Are You gonna eat all that?... not really!" or been called bad for letting a certain dellectible taste pass your lips. How many times have you said "i shouldn't be eating this," or something similar?

When I was a kid, I was chubby, and didn't want to be, so I struggled with this. But (I'm happy to say that) as an adult I do not struggle with my weight. How is this possible? Because I decided to give up the struggle. I truly believe that sometimes, it's what we don't do that makes us who we are, but these things should not include eating. We were not designed to be without food, it's as simple as that.
Don't get me wrong, there is such a thing as eating too much (of course :) But it's a mind set.

(More to come Later :)

The sighting

Is it normal to love Greta Garbo when you're six years old? Maybe if you grew up in the 1930's and 40's...but what if it were the eighties?

So it was with me. It all started with a People magazine.
Mom had it on our coffee table. In the very back, there was a photo of an elderly woman with a grey ponytail. The photo was head and shoulders, but a white trench coat was obvious.

I rememeber the picture bothered me...I thought it was scary for some reason. She wasn't smiling. She looked angry... distant. I remember it was a side profile, but very distinct. No shadow, blurr, or partial features here. It was most certainly...Garbo.

At least that's what mom said. She'd also mentioned how interesting it was that there should be a picture of her in this magazine. To me, she seemed, strange, I don't know.

In truth, I knew who she was, but didn't even realize it. The movie "Annie" (1982), had always been a favorite.
There was however, one part that I hated: the part where Annie, Daddy, Grace and Sandy are watching the 1937 Garbo classic "Camille" ILOVED seeing the Rockettes, but did we really have to sit through part of this ancient film (whien you're a kid you think that which is black and white is lame, you know) with the tragic death scene at the end?

That was Garbo... the one who collapses in Robert Taylor's arms, and then he realizes she's died, as he's talking to her about marrying her. So, that woman in the black and white movie, and this woman with the grey hair and the trench coat were the same person. (??)

I couldn't even read the paragraph under the photo, so mom read it to me.
How does a woman have so many pictures taken of her that she's forced into seclusion? (The irony being that this particular photo of her was "rare.")
What kind of life does someone have if they can barely leave their apartment? How does an actress so famous become even more famous for not wanting to be known?

Okay, okay... this is retrospect. I couldn't peice all that together at six, but how horrible for this woman to pretty much go into hiding because people would not leave her alone.
From then on, I was a fan... I wanted pictures of her, I wanted to know what movies she was in, and I no longer hated seeing that particular part of "Annie." Today, that part is my favorite part. I believe this is where my adoration for movies (but in particular classic movies) began. So how incredibly ironic that within two years, the movie "Garbo Talks" would come out, and I would learn so much more about this mysterious woman I had seen in the back of that mag....

Her apartment building in New York, her trade mark hats and red lipstick, her Maid, that was supposedley one of her only trusted friends.
now, I have to say, I loved Barbie's, Play Doh, coloring books, and Lite-Brites too, but always loved Garbo... her hair and her eyes, her amazing presence on screen, her laugh, her deep voice; her amazing wardrobe from her films, and (I know now), her amazing spunk and giddiness. I had the picture of her with the brown baret ( head tilted), and was tickeled pink when I saw that Estelle Ralfe (Anne Bancroft) in the movie had the same (very common) photo. :)

Today, there are actually quite a few Garbo films I've not seen. This is because my original devotion to her is attatched to "Camille," so I singled that movie out, and also because I became more mystified by Garbo because she became so elusive to the press who relentlessly pursued her all her life... how would Gilbert Ralfe ever find her so his mother could meet her? (Garbo Talks).
Greta Garbo died on Easter Sunday, 1990. Somewhere, I still have the paper from that day. I was 12 then, and remembered feeling sad. I still could not comprehend how she could've possibly been happy having been alone for so long...

But, as Garbo said herself (so infamously): "I want to be alone."

Photo: Greta Garbo & Robert Taylor

"Camille" 1937 MGM