Still

We all need people. And we all have the opportunity to learn from others. I think it's a wonder that so much of life in our culture seems to consist of breaking away from those who can teach us the most. I think sometimes God gives us others around us in our lives so that we can learn to become secure leaning on them through the tough times and learning to be vulnerable. I don't know about anybody else, but I've always been petrified of weakness and failure. I don't want anyone to ever reject me because they have seen that I am not "with it.". There should be nothing demeaning or embarrassing about serving others. But let's face it... Our culture doesn't look on this very favorably much, right? If someone lives at home longer than expected to help their parents out, they're seen as lazy and having no life. If Someone stays home in the evening or on the weekends instead of going out, they are looked at as boring or unwilling to try new things. If someone is single, it is automatically assumed that they are unhappy because they are not in a relationship. If someone ends up in the hospital or simply needs to stay in bed because they're sick, they tend to become guilt ridden because of all the people they feel they are letting down.

I feel that it is a skill to learn to take life more slowly and let others take care of us. The truth is, this is looked down on in every way in our culture. We don't like people who don't have any social or career status. If someone does not work outside the home, they are seen as lazy and unwilling to pull their own weight. How untrue this so often is! Maybe there's someone in your home who needs your company or attention. Maybe not having a nine to five job enables you to do things you could not if you were at work, like visit someone in the hospital, or help someone with a project, wash a sink full of dishes, or do a load of laundry. Perhaps the financial help we may be receiving from someone helps them feel useful, or independent. Maybe it's an endearing thing for them to be able to do something for us. Perhaps allowing someone to help us, or do a particular task for us, allows them to show us their love.

I feel that a huge longing that is suffocating many people, is not the need to be loved by others, but the desire to show others around us the love that's already in us. I think that's the real reason. People can crave relationships so much. It's not so much because they are requiring love from others. It's because they know they have great love already in them that they want to shower on someone, without reserve; and people are so longing to receive it. But we're made to feel that for so many hours each week, we must be completely in control, and unemotional. We must have everything all together, and be moved away from our parents, paying for our own home, vehicle and bills as soon as possible. We must be in and out of college with a prestigious job that matches our degree as soon as possible, and if a woman stays home and raises her children, she also is seen as having no life.

It was John Lennon who said that life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. Life is such a paradox, isn't it? We're told to be strong because this is the only way we can benefit others, but sometimes the strongest thing we can do is allow others to help us. Wow! Who Knew, right? There is strength in weakness! :). There can be great progress, I think, it the times when something seems to have come to a complete standstill. For instance, I have a few books that I had begun some time ago, on two different laptops. One laptop I had gotten to replace the other, because the jack on the back of the computer became stripped inside and would no longer hold the power cord. Five years, 3 viruses and 3 power cords later, the second laptop had the exact same issue. Now I have two computers, stuck in which, are pages and pages of things I've written over several years... with every intention of publishing them. Currently, it's been really difficult for me to even get the money together to have both PC's repaired. This has become a long, drawn out "disappointment, that I did not realize I'd run into. But I'm confident that at the right time, these will be fixed, and I'll be able to see my creative work again. Perhaps it just isn't time for me to publish those things yet. In any event...I'm learning to be patient... And that good things come to those who wait. Good grief... Had not even planned to post an entry tonight! But guess what? There it is. :). Yo never know... while you think nothing is going on, you can be having more of an impact then you know! Take care my friend! :)

Lovers

I think true lovers will love you for two things:

1. Who you are.
2. Who they want you to become.

Now don't misunderstand me; I DON'T mean that anyone should make themselves over to please someone else. That's not love; that's fear that says "I'm not worthy.". By the way, ladies, if he's the right kind of man, he will absolutely loathe that. But, I think, when the situation is healthy, with a solid foundation, one will follow the other. When someone takes you for who you really are, and loves you, good, bad and ugly, as the love grows, they will get to know who you can become and want to help you get there. When a person loves you for who you are, then they can have the pleasure of loving you for who you can become as well. Plain and simple... And so wonderful!

Love with everything you have.
But use your head to guard your heart <3<3

Check it Out...

By now, everyone knows that president Obama has been re-elected. A lot of speculation has been going on as to whether we can handle another four years with Obama as our commander and chief. I am scared...I have to say...truly. But I will not go into all the reasons I'm worried with my own words. I would not wish to give anyone a "says you" account of what I'm talking about. I'd rather provide sources dealing with the specific things that I have seen and read so that others can decide for themselves (In other words, you don't have to take my word for it.)

In most cases a simple Google or YouTube search is very beneficial. I like to use the Start Page search engine myself because that way, your search results are not 'searched through" and you can still maintain your anonymity. For each one of these that I will list there are likely many sources out there who want to "debunk" them, or tell you that these individuals are not being truthful. Do your homework and see for yourself.

Rev. Jeremiah Wright
Bill Ayers and his parents Tom and Mary Ayers
Jerome Corsi (Authour)
Arizona Sherrif Joe Arpaio
Andrew Breitbart
George Green (former investment banker). (nohoax.com)
Alex Jones
The fringe Radio Network (online)
Red Ice Radio Network (online)
Ron Paul
Jessie Ventura
Linda Moulton Howe. (earthfiles.com)
Coast to Coast AM with George Noory (Radio)
Kevin Trudeau (KT Radio network). I don't buy anything from him,
he does have a lot of interesting things to say though.
(online).
Rick Steves (and his position on medical marijuana). (Travel's Through Europe)
The Obama Deception (DVD)
Dr. Steven Greer. (The Disclosure Project)
Kerry Cassidy and "Project Camelot"
The Blaze Radio Network. On radio and online
Dr. Edgar Bergen (Author)
Whitley Streiber (Author).
Phil Schneider (Black Projects, Govmt.)
Bilderberg Group

Okay, now, many of these things have to do with Obama, and many of them have to do with other things that are... Well, much further "out there" as you'll see. It's. A LOT to digest and take in. Much of it is very very unbelievable for sure... but many are risking their lives to get the message out there.
Also check out "Unsealed: Conspiracy Files". This is a TV show that airs Saturday nights at midnight.

This info. Is not meant to frighten, but to inform. There's a lot going on out there, and it is my opinion that if you only watch the major news networks, or read the morning paper, you simply are only getting part of the story. It's scary out there, as we all know, I'm sure. But I think it's a lot heavier than most people realize. Pray, and stay close to those who can pray with you. Stay close to your friends and family. Read the book of Revelation (it explains a lot) and get involved in a Bible believing church. Just my opinions of course, but I'm not going to give out troubling information without offering some reassurance. If you can, keep a stash of cash in the house, and stock up on water ( again, just an opinion). Anyway, all of the above explains why I am truly concerned about where we are headed in light of last night's election. Much of this is quite shocking, yes...but pray for guidance. Cling to your faith and stand firm. Take care everybody.

What do I do Now? (A Not so Confident Christian)

I seem to be going through a crisis of faith right now. Suddenly, I feel like I was lied to all that time in church. Scripture says that God will never give us more than we can handle. Yet I feel stretched beyond my limit everyday. I's rather not get into specifics, I don't feel that everyone needs to know that. But suffice it to say, I feel stretched beyond my limit everyday, and wonder what God meant when he said he'll never give us more than we can handle. I can't say God lied, because he doesn't, but that's what I feel like telling him sometimes. Sometimes, things just hurt and there is nothing I can say to make them any better.

I know God takes us through things to strengthen us, I just can't help but wonder what I'm supposed to be learning this time, while he seems to be gutting me lie a fish. What is he trying to "reveal"? That I'm not as wonderful as I thought I was? (I know that, but it seems I need to be shown in a different way now.). I don't mind going through hard things for God, or with God...that's okay... That's all part of it. It's when I genuinely can't take any more, and he makes me suffer through something anyway that I have a really hard time with. It really isn't all about me is it? It's just that sometimes, that's not the point. I don't want things to be all about me. It's just that there are some times when the right should win in a situation and I know that God is the ONLY one who can make that happen and... Then He doesn't. And I'm left on the floor, a broken, bleeding, worn out mess who's supposed to be thankful now because God can use the pieces. (He can't use us till we're broken). I don't necessarily mind being broken so much. I mean, don't misunderstand me, I complain and throw a fit right through it... But then there's always that point that I see the light at the end of the tunnel... And the missing piece fits somehow.

But sometimes we are broken beyond repair and God it seems, still does not show up. I guess he doesn't need to "show up" because He's always with us... So then why are there so many pivotal moments in life when we need God to make an entrance and he doesn't? What are we supposed to do when we face the same "weakness" that Moses did, when all the magicians around him ALSO turned their rods into serpents? Why was it different with Moses? Because his God is the real one. Why should anybody believe that? I don't know... That's my point. No, actually, it's worse than that. I DO know! I DO get it.... That's why I'm a Christian in the first place. But what good is all my knowing and all my believing and all my praying and trusting and hoping, and banking everything in my life on him, if, when I need him the most, he doesn't show up?

Now, church always seems to have an answer for this, all cliche'd and neatly pakaged. They'll tell you that God will never leave you nor forsake you. I know God will never leave me. That's not the issue I struggle with. I struggle with believing that it's TIME now (maybe it's long past) for him to lift the burden, make an entrance, relieve the pressure, let the right win...DO SOMETHING!!!!! And he doesn't. And we, his followers are humiliated because now we look like fools for following him in the first place. I'm talking about the PAINFUL stuff... The stuff that makes you think "Surely God would understand that this is too much for me.". He does. He does understand! That's what's got me so damn angry right now! For whatever reason, he let's us go through it anyway, and then says that it's "Good" that we are learning to trust him more. WHAT? By the way, I'm a Christian! I've been a Christian for TWENTY years now.

I know God does not use a magic wand. He can't just go around changing people's wills at the drop of a hat so that people can get what they need. But I guess that's my whole point. Why not?? If he's the eternal Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End, if a person has the right motives...Why can't God intervene so a person gets what they need? Again, HE CAN! And he does! So why didn't he this time????? Why does God seem to suck all the air out of you, while giving you some sort of spiritual "blood letting" and then require of us that we trust him anyway? Why does he seem to deliberately give us every reason in the world NOT to trust him... And then require that we do. I'm sorry... That seems like punishment to me. Cruel and unusual punishment. Now, punishment is necessary sometimes, when you love somebody, but what happens when you're honestly shaking your head, going "God, what did I do?". Here's the good news: You probably did not do anything! But God has a plan, and sometimes we have to SUFFER through it (whether we like it or not).

I think this is what they OUGHT to teach in church. Because that's just the way it is. I wasn't taught this... Not growing up anyway. I was taught: Jesus, buddy, pal, friend, great big Teddy bear. I was NOT taught that Jesus will bail you out every time things get rough, and that there won't be any pain. This is not true in any case. But I was taught to believe that he loves me perfectly, and more than words can say. Okay. I believe it. Why does he deliberately make us do things the hard way so many times, while we are but "dust"? Why do we have to go through things, step after painful step, feeling like we can't take anymore, and then we're supposed to be so grateful because it's all due to God?

No, the things they teach kids in church ought to go something like this:

"Look, he is the only way, so draw near to Him. But you didn't get saved, God saved you. This is not a garden party or a social club. This is the Christian life and it's a blood sport. It's HARD. Your dreams and ideals will be broken and at times you won't be able to see the "better thing" everybody keeps TELLING you God has for you. There will be times when everything in you DOES NOT WANNA GO WHERE GOD IS TAKING YOU. Sometimes you will be mad at God and think...."I don't like your plan.". You'll think I'm not even sure I want you around because you're the one who's making my life so hard! (Get ready for it). At times, you'll sin against God because you won't be obedient to him. You'll do your own thing. At times you will honestly believe that God could not possibly know how you feel. You will THINK that you know that you cannot depend on other people. But you will depend on other people anyway (because they are like you). Then you will be genuinely hurt because God allowed that to happen in your life, at which point you will kick yourself for "depending on other people" in the first place.

God will take away what's precious to you (in some way shape or form) as a way of suffering with him (because he suffered for us). Get ready for it. In fact, any person or thing that you love more than you do him, God will do something to change that around in your life and you won't like it. Don't worry, supposedly, what he has is always better than what he takes away, but there will be times when you won't believe that. Sure, you'll be prepared for when people mock you and tease you for being a Christian. What you won't be prepared for is the day when you don't feel you have the upper hand anymore, because the bottom has fallen out in your own life. Then you'll think "God, this wasn't supposed to happen!". People around you will tell you that it's good that God is showing you who you really are. My friend, you'll find that there will be SO MUCH that you don't wanna see! So much that you don't even wanna look at! Soldiers at war get wounded in battle. Christians are soldier's for Christ... Get ready for it! The ultimate irony of your life will (sometimes) be that your only comfort in the storm comes from the very one whose CAUSING it.

Trust Him, yes. Just remember that there will be times when you sincerely feel like you can't. Get ready for it. I realize that at church youth group, with all the games and wonderful food, and rock music, it probably feels as though none of the above will ever touch you. Not true. I think the song "Held" by Natalie Grant is much more accurate, myself... But even then, you'll probably be snowed by KLove and the Christian DJ's and the pledge drives, and all the "Spirit West Coast" commercials. So just who am I anyway? I'm a Christian who's coming apart inside, and trying to remember that God STILL IS and there is hope. I just need to be reminded. A LOT. There will be times you will be angry with God...sometimes angrier than you ever thought you would be. When you're done throwing a fit , He'll be right there to pick you up, but you won't exactly rejoice, because all you want is for the pain to go away.

Eventually it will (though there are some that are always with you). God will keep us from harm, but that does not mean that we will never get hurt. This is something I was not aware of for a long time. I'm just saying, I didn't even know there was a difference for a long time. So, many things aren't over by morning, and Rome wasn't built in a day. Just sayin'